Okay, so I like blog-style updates, but I’m afraid I’m going to bore people who want Evocraft stuff. The truth is, I don’t have any modules for you tonight. My mind has been in a place of stress and rumination over the last few days. I have some great free updates coming, but I haven’t been in the right space of mind to do them. Instead, I feel the best thing I can offer right now is a meditation. I’ll strive to be authentic. I feel the thing that’s going to help all of us, is the truth.
Like most of you, I work a day job. As much as I would love to make my living off my creative work, it hasn’t happened yet. The last few days, I haven’t been able to work because of a complication that involved my workplace temporarily shuting down. It won’t be so bad in the end – I’m going back tomorrow. But losing a few days’ pay is hard for me. I’m living well below my level of comfort, and I’ve been struggling to think of ways I can make substantial money at home to compensate what I lost this week.
This whole situation brought to mind a recent conversation I had with someone at work. It basically amounted to this: he said, “you’re young, and you’ve got free time. Why don’t you get another job on the weekends?” He illustrated how if I worked seven days a week, maybe some evenings thrown in, I could save an extra bundle of money a year to invest (or deal with emergencies.)
So maybe what he said is the smart way to do things. But if you’re like me, you read that and feel like you want to jump off a bridge. Sadly we are all preoccupied with “getting by” in this machine-game, so much that some of us don’t stop to ask an important question, “What really matters?”
I can tell you my answer. It’s all in my memories. I remember fishing on the lake with my Dad, and drawing with my Mom. I remember in my teenage years, I remember making a werewolf movie with my friends where one actor coughed up so much fake blood (imagine a volcano), nobody else could do the scene without laughing. And I’ve rolled dice throughout my life – do you know how many good memories I have playing games?
Granted, everyone is different. There are people who legitimately love making money above anything else. But for me, this capitalistic atmosphere doesn’t suit me well. Actually, I detest it. It’s cutthroat and full of pretense, when what we really want is genuine connection, compassion, and honesty. If we were all robots, we would only do what made sense to the machine around us. But we’re human beings – many of us can’t do that and feel fulfilled. What really matters in the end? For me, I will sacrifice excess money if it means I can experience connection and joy. Of course, I want to survive and feel secure. Hopefully, we can all help each other get there, and build something better than what we have now. But for now, I’m grateful to be going back to work tomorrow…